grapes... saving the best for last

So I was eating some grapes tonight. When I eat from a bundle of grapes, I always look for the bad ones first. You know, the small ones, the not-so-optimally-firm/straightup squishy ones. I eat those to begin with so that I can get any and all undesirable experiences out of the way early so as to not avoid creating an unpleasant undercurrent of sub-par grapes. I do feel a need to eat all of them (with the exception of any truly gross looking ones), but I always try to eat them in absolute order of very worst to very best.
How is that a source of inspiration, you may ask. I will explain. Today sucked. It was absolutely horrible. I had to get up at 7:30 after being up til 2:30 the night before. I couldn't stay awake in biology. I failed my biology test. The Rockies got knocked out of the playoffs... after giving up a ninth inning lead. I had to go to weird and boring FHE. It was just not a great day. I was looking back on it all tonight as I was brushing my teeth, and I thought about my grapes, and I had a thought. We don't get to choose when we get the good and when we get the bad. It just comes. Life is like eating a bag of grapes wearing a blindfold and big, thick gloves so you can't feel what the grapes will be like with your fingers. Seriously, though, we've all heard this idea a million times in a million different packages, but it's true. I guess tonight I finally came to realize how true it is; there will always be good going on and good to come. There will also always be bad going on and more bad to come. It's not up to us to decide we want to get it all out of the way at once. We don't get to take the bad only when we're braced for it. It just comes. It is simply a matter of responding. That's the only thing we have control over. You can either be really grossed out and throw out the bag of mostly delicious grapes or you can immediately throw in another good one. As for me, I'm up for another. Today was horrible, but even before it ended it was made sweet again by getting to talk to someone I love and getting to feel her love. So although I may not get to choose when I have one experience or another, I still believe that if I keep looking forward to a better day, I will finish my bag of grapes more satisfied than I could have ever hoped.

The Wrap up

There are some times when you just feel... right. I love those times. They take a different form for everyone. For me, those times often seem to coincide with laughter. Not just laughter because something was funny, but laughter because you're happy. It's the kind of laughter where you're pretty sure if you could see your soul, it would have a great big smile on it. I just feel so good. Sure, there's a lot of crap going on, and there are a lot of questions without answers (everything having to do with jobs/money/careers), but when you have nights like tonight it all disappears. I am so blessed to have someone in my life who helps me to have so many more 'just right' nights than I would normally hope for.

It's amazing how something as simple as the fun ending to a conversation can show you how great life is; it can turn your heart around. There are so many things; so many little things... things that can make all the difference... but only if you let them. You just have to let yourself flow in the ocean. It would be so easy to get on a set path and progress along it unaffected only to miss out on countless opportunities to find joy and learning. But to slow down and read all the signs at the zoo, to make a comparison, is to embrace life. It is allowing everything you encounter to change you in some way. Yet again, I find myself preaching and being somewhat of a dork. I guess I just love life. Or to quote Kasey Butler, I'm celebrating life! It has so much to offer, but only if you take the time to let the little things make it all... just right. I feel good. I'm happy. So happy.